Showcase

I've got all of your details on micro video recorder, Mrs. Greenwick, we're ready to get started with the next phase. First we'll psyche-analyze you..

What, I don't need therapy! Do you think I'm mad?

No, no, calm down. Not psychoanalyze, psyche. Psyche is the Greek goddess of identity and the soul, she represents the mind, thoughts and emotions. Your psyche is what makes you—uniquely you and not anyone else. When you die and return in another incarnation, you take on a new body, a new life with new parents in new surroundings but your psyche stays the same. We've gone over this several times already, but I'm always glad to explain, I do understand your confusion, these can be very difficult ideas to grasp.

Then why don't I remember any of my past lives, if I've retained the same psyche throughout all of them?

Trauma, passing through the bardo from the between lives state to the incarnate life state...

Never mind—psyche, psycho, bardo, sounds like mumbo-jumbo to me. Lets just get on with this. I don't even believe a bit of it, but tell me, how many other clients do you have Mr. Veritas?

Actually, we just have you.

What, no one else? How can you afford to stay in business? Your advertisement shows shining office complexes with dozens of smiling staff and vaults full of super-high-tech equipment.

Honestly, it's all about image, glitz sells. We, my assistant Miss Penny and I, have all the technology we need right here in my wristwatch and eyeglasses. Of course identifying a re-incarnating client's psyche calls for a bit more than that.

Tell me more, I'm quite, beyond a shadow of a doubt, certain there is no possible way this is all legitimate.

Of course your disbelief is understandable, doubt and skepticism are to be expected with the advent of a truly revolutionary technology. Let me give you a brief explanation. You see my assistant Miss Penny is a true genius. Me, I'm a partner in this simply because I believe in her and funded this research into PAT, that's psyche analysis technology, patent pending, and I'm adept at interacting with people from an array of diverse backgrounds. Miss Penny on the other hand bares the true stamp of genius and is completely incapable of having a coherent conversation in layman's terms with anyone. You see this watch, it opens, gently here, to reveal three small data-chips each about the size of a Sen-Sen candy, which can store quite a bit more information than one might think, considering their size. The rest of the watch uses an active LDT...

An what?

Active laser data transfer, an LDT connection is used to receive data from the eyeglasses which, while being a stylish pair of polarized Ray-Bans, also hold a left and right psy-cam recorder in its ear pieces. It's those scanners that do the real work. They are bilateral cross-referencing radio cameras that record the patterning of your akashic energy field, or psy-print. Simply put, your physical body is one frequency in a continuum of radiant and magnetic energy. It's a common misconception of many that the physical body emits or houses this invisible energy. More accurately speaking, it is the visible or tangible aspect of this energy continuum, the rest being beyond normal human perception. The akashic psy-print, that psyche I told you about, is only the next frequency out from the physical—otherwise even Miss Penny would have trouble finding a way to accurately record its patterning. Once I've taken three scans of your akashic psy-print, one frontal, one rear and one with you slowly spinning in a circle, I will have captured your unique psyche-psy-print for all time. Theoretically, one scan is all it would take, any one of them would do, but we don't want to take chances in psy-d-ing you in your next life.

So your saying my akashic psy-print never changes?

Well, it does, barely, but not enough to be noticeable in any ten given lifetimes.

This is all very impressive, not that I understand a bit of what you're talking about, if it is at all real, your Miss Penny is undoubtedly the most brilliant person I've ever heard of, either that or you have the worlds most fertile, manure-infested, imagination of anyone I've ever met. But how do you find me after I die and have been reincarnationed in my next life?

(grinning a satisfied grin) That touch is my own bit of genius. Using this same akashic scanning technology of Miss Penny's, we take it in to outer space. I've set up a contract with GeoSpace Corp. LTD, a heavy hitting organization that takes thermal readings from orbiting satellites to record tectonic and glacial activities; for predicting major geological changes in our planet's crust. They were more than happy to let us piggyback on their equipment, for a hefty fee I might add, to help offset the expense of their own operations. We scan the entire globe every 172 hours. When we get a matching psy-print, Penny and I fly out with our retrofitted Toughbook and finish up, conducting a field investigation in person. We've been 91.7% successful.

Wait, I thought you said I was your only client.

What do you take me for, a crackpot, a charlatan? Of course we've done beta runs on test subjects. We've found cats are the closest relatives to humans in their psy-prints, so far. We've performed eleven completely successful runs on cats from around the world. It's very expensive, but we needed to be certain that this technology would work. It's a good thing that we finally have you as our client too, my bankroll was about to roll me into a job as a car salesman, if we didn't take this to the next level soon.

You said 91% successful, what do you mean by that?

91 point 7% successful, but that's no big deal, we lost one cat in Turkey. There's a lot of cats in Turkey, and felines move around a bit more than human infants, so we don't anticipate any problems with you.

You're a persuasive talker Jake, at least an incessant one, even so I doubt I would gamble on this technology if I had more than a week to live. But it doesn't matter, I would rather throw my entire fortune into the raging ocean than let those lazy, money grubbing children of mine ever see a dime of it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to rest. Come back in three hours and I'll sign your pile of paperwork and let you take your little pictures.